"There are cemeteries that are lonely,
graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul."
- Pablo Neruda, Nothing But Death
I've been gone for while: by my count, it's been 362 days – just short of year – since I last put text to screen. I'd like to say I've been busy with some fulfilling new project, or pursuing some long-delayed dream; but in fact, dear readers, my blogging – indeed my life – was interrupted by the thing Neruda is talking about above. Not long after I wrote my last post, I, your humble narrator (with props to Anthony Burgess and the parlance of Alex DeLarge), nearly shuffled off this mortal coil, in a series of events that were real horrowshow. In the aftermath of that, I haven't had the inkling, energy, or fortitude to write anything. I've been surviving. And without going deeply philosophical, things start to look different when you viddy your own expected-but-untimely end. Writing this blog takes a chunk of my spirit that I simply haven't had to give. I don't really have that spirit now, but as I approach the one-year mark with nothing but silence here, I thought I should at least take a moment to mark it, and give those of you who read me a brief explanation-cum-apology. I hope it's enough.
I'd also like to thank those who've continued to check back, or stumbled upon me through Google, or through other sites to which I've posted; especially those who've taken the time to comment. I created this place to share my philosophy and views, and to invoke yours. I'm always glad when someone joins the dialogue. That said, I've spent the last week perusing new comments, and without trying to spin it – or even be particularly open-minded – I've realized anew that there are too many people out there who love to comment without speaking to the specific issues in a post, and who dodge every actual question at the core of a debate, and who do both with malice and aggression. For those people, I have a special condemnation, courtesy of my yearlong odyssey, and the scar it has etched into my drive to become enlightened:
YOU are the people I rail against: you are the people that ruin the world. You, with your prefab, narrow-minded, unshakable ideas, who don't engage in a conversation, but try to overpower it; you, who attack under the guise of contributing, and think bullying is akin to sharing; you, who lambaste others for not seeing things your way, or for having the audacity to publish thoughts or pursue agendas that run counter to yours; you, who litter the world with shameful nonsense, and claim that those who do not agree are willfully ignorant, stupid, or lazy; you, who breed hate, contempt, and intolerance, all while ignoring the rules of kind society, and the basest needs of your fellow man; you, who thwart humanity's evolution and enlightenment by turning the world into an ideal- and soul-crushing meat grinder; you, who spread hate, and take without giving, and consume to the point of wastefulness; you, who want to be heard and have the world change to suit you, but who would never suffer the same for others; you, who can't muster enough guilt or regret to even contemplate an apology, much less work to change for the better. You are the people who, even when my spirit is strong, make it hard for me write here. And make it hard for me to do more than survive.
The Future of the FrankSpot
So, is there still a blog here? I just don't know. As I said above, there's a lack of spirit in me now. And although there's a lot to blog about – including many interesting tidbits I'd love to share about the sorry state of doctors and medicine in this country – I'm barely treading water in my quest to provide for those I love, and lamenting much of what I've lost this past year. So, for now, I think the FrankSpot is still on hiatus. But:My best to all the good people out there. I hope you find what you're looking for.
