What is it about radicals?
I ask this question because — as I've mentioned a few times here — I'm rarely radicalized about anything. I strive to make room for the other guy and his ideas. I even make room for ideas that others characterize as "obviously crazy." And I'm careful to realize that it's possible for anyone to believe strongly in anything. In fact, I often warn people about underestimating the power of others' beliefs. It's at the heart of many conflicts. I won't go too deep here — this is a topic well-suited for a standalone post — but Democrats can't believe that Republicans are as convinced of their own rightness as they themselves are, and terrorists rarely believe that we infidels stand as staunchly behind our ideals as they do theirs. It's like a fundamental flaw in the radical thought process:
"We believe so strongly, that we must be right. And no one could possibly believe something else!"
That's where radicalism almost always goes. And it's not long before some crazy ideas — ideas that even I have to decry, despite my commitment to keeping an open mind — follow. That's where PETA just landed: smack-dab in the middle of crazy.
Here's what started it all:
PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk
This article appeared on an NBC-affiliate web site, and was briefly picked up by some of the bigger news outlets. At first, I thought it had to be a joke, or a mistake, or some kind of bad publicity stunt, soon to be followed by a PSA with Leo DiCaprio "milking" a cow-costumed Brooke Shields in an ice cream store and pleading for better treatment of our milk animals.
I was so wrong. A quick surf over to the PETA web site provided a chilling, creepy confirmation:
The Breast Is Best! PETA Asks Ben & Jerry's to Dump Dairy and Go With Human Milk Instead
Yes, that's right. They really meant it. It wasn't a mistake, or a sophomoric hack of the NBC site's web server, nor part of a tongue-in-cheek public awareness campaign. It was just plain crazy on display.
That's what we'd have here: the disaster that killed ice cream.
I mean, can you imagine it? Women lactating professionally — not to raise healthy children for mothers who can't breast feed — but to end the average American's meal with a Happy Ending Sundae. Or to fill ice cream trucks with Nutty Buddies for those hot, high-summer days. If it worked, those women would make Bill Gates and the kingdom of Saudi Arabia look like a poor man and a kingdom of paupers. Ben and Jerry's would usher in the first class war of the 21st century: instead of the haves and the have-nots, there'd be the B's and the double-DD's.
Luckily, I can't really imagine it working. No matter how noble is the idea of ethical treatment for animals, I can't see rational women selling their milk for ice cream (and all the other cow-milk-based products that would be sure to follow). And even if women did line up for thrice daily milkings and phenomenal paychecks, I just don't see average Joes (or any sane human beings) lining up for a pint of Mint-Chocolate-Chip-and-Boob-Milk Ice Cream. (Disclaimer: Yes, yes...there are those of you who would probably line up on your respective sides of this supply line, but that puts you squarely in with the radicals I mentioned above. Either that, or you'd be from France or Hollywood...)
No, in the end, this is just a bad — I daresay stupid — idea, that would kill ice cream as we know it, and probably damage our psyches in ways I can't even begin to write about. (Although, I could certainly see breast-milk-trauma novellas flowing from the pen of Harlan Ellison, but that's fodder for yet another post. And I suppose that if PETA had said, "Hey, use soy milk instead of cow milk," I would have had to find another topic to blog about. The moral there: stupidity is good inspiration.)
That said, I have a piece of parting advice for the folks over at PETA: there's this thing called the food chain. Read up on it.
Now I'm off to have a nice big bowl of Strawberry (Cow Milk) Ice Cream. Bon Appetit!
I ask this question because — as I've mentioned a few times here — I'm rarely radicalized about anything. I strive to make room for the other guy and his ideas. I even make room for ideas that others characterize as "obviously crazy." And I'm careful to realize that it's possible for anyone to believe strongly in anything. In fact, I often warn people about underestimating the power of others' beliefs. It's at the heart of many conflicts. I won't go too deep here — this is a topic well-suited for a standalone post — but Democrats can't believe that Republicans are as convinced of their own rightness as they themselves are, and terrorists rarely believe that we infidels stand as staunchly behind our ideals as they do theirs. It's like a fundamental flaw in the radical thought process:
"We believe so strongly, that we must be right. And no one could possibly believe something else!"
That's where radicalism almost always goes. And it's not long before some crazy ideas — ideas that even I have to decry, despite my commitment to keeping an open mind — follow. That's where PETA just landed: smack-dab in the middle of crazy.
Crazy Town, USA (Or: What the Heck is PETA Thinking?)
So what am I talking about, and why is ice cream dying an untimely death? Well, don't fret — there's no need to rush to your local grocery store and stock up on Neapolitan and Mint Chocolate Chip. There's not really a crisis here, just a (phenomenally) bad (and kind of sickening) idea that got some mainstream media attention, and my own prediction of where it would lead. Ultimately, I'm sure calmer heads and common sense will prevail; that's usually the case when urban radicals start mincing about. And if not that, then the sheer "EWWWWWW" factor of this ought to prompt quite a resistance movement.Here's what started it all:
PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk
This article appeared on an NBC-affiliate web site, and was briefly picked up by some of the bigger news outlets. At first, I thought it had to be a joke, or a mistake, or some kind of bad publicity stunt, soon to be followed by a PSA with Leo DiCaprio "milking" a cow-costumed Brooke Shields in an ice cream store and pleading for better treatment of our milk animals.
I was so wrong. A quick surf over to the PETA web site provided a chilling, creepy confirmation:
The Breast Is Best! PETA Asks Ben & Jerry's to Dump Dairy and Go With Human Milk Instead
Yes, that's right. They really meant it. It wasn't a mistake, or a sophomoric hack of the NBC site's web server, nor part of a tongue-in-cheek public awareness campaign. It was just plain crazy on display.
The New Ice Cream (Or: The Wet Nurse Billionaires' Club)
Now here's one thing I've come to believe about radicals — and I know that many people can't get to where I'm going, but I'm confident in this assertion: I think that somewhere inside them, or at the heart of their doctrines — someplace very deep — there's probably a good idea. Possibly even a great and fundamentally good idea: saving their religion; saving their children; preserving their way of life; ensuring democracy. But somewhere between the root and the fruit, something went very wrong. The idea became heavily distorted, and vanished behind the weight of its fervency and pretense. I think that happens nearly every time, and although it's possible for the tangled mess of radicalized ideas to create something positive, the good money has got to be on disaster.That's what we'd have here: the disaster that killed ice cream.
I mean, can you imagine it? Women lactating professionally — not to raise healthy children for mothers who can't breast feed — but to end the average American's meal with a Happy Ending Sundae. Or to fill ice cream trucks with Nutty Buddies for those hot, high-summer days. If it worked, those women would make Bill Gates and the kingdom of Saudi Arabia look like a poor man and a kingdom of paupers. Ben and Jerry's would usher in the first class war of the 21st century: instead of the haves and the have-nots, there'd be the B's and the double-DD's.
Luckily, I can't really imagine it working. No matter how noble is the idea of ethical treatment for animals, I can't see rational women selling their milk for ice cream (and all the other cow-milk-based products that would be sure to follow). And even if women did line up for thrice daily milkings and phenomenal paychecks, I just don't see average Joes (or any sane human beings) lining up for a pint of Mint-Chocolate-Chip-and-Boob-Milk Ice Cream. (Disclaimer: Yes, yes...there are those of you who would probably line up on your respective sides of this supply line, but that puts you squarely in with the radicals I mentioned above. Either that, or you'd be from France or Hollywood...)
No, in the end, this is just a bad — I daresay stupid — idea, that would kill ice cream as we know it, and probably damage our psyches in ways I can't even begin to write about. (Although, I could certainly see breast-milk-trauma novellas flowing from the pen of Harlan Ellison, but that's fodder for yet another post. And I suppose that if PETA had said, "Hey, use soy milk instead of cow milk," I would have had to find another topic to blog about. The moral there: stupidity is good inspiration.)
Be Kind to Animals...But Respect the Food Chain
In closing, let me point out that it's important to treat animals well. Whether pets, food animals, or wild nuisances that eat your tomatoes the night before you're ready to pick them, they all deserve kind — and yes, ethical — treatment. They shouldn't be tortured, or abused, or killed inhumanely. They shouldn't be terrorized, and forced into lives of undue suffering. I think — I hope — most of my readers will agree with that. If that message still exists at the core of PETA's insanity, I'm happy to get behind it. And what's more, I don't even need PETA to lead that charge. It's right because it's right.That said, I have a piece of parting advice for the folks over at PETA: there's this thing called the food chain. Read up on it.
Now I'm off to have a nice big bowl of Strawberry (Cow Milk) Ice Cream. Bon Appetit!
